Tuesday, 8 May 2007
MASTURBATING WITH A FASHION MAGAZINE
YET ANOTHER LIST BY LOLA, AGED 19 AND A BIT
1.I wish I could change my hairstyle as often as I change my clothes. Six months ago I went from tit-skimming waves to a Mary-Quant style bob which has been getting shorter ever since. Now I have decided that I want to grow it into some kind of Francoise-Hardy look again, like the beatnik from Hairspray. Never be afraid to change your cut; it’s all dead anyway, after all.
2.I notice that two girls were recently pictured in the same Kate Moss dress on The Face Hunter, attending the same night at Boombox. Quelle embarrassment. We all knew it would happen.
3.I can’t for the life of me remember if I’ve addressed the matter of turbans. I recently bought a gold one for a photo-shoot I was doing in a friend’s pool house, and let me be the first to inform you that having put it on out of sheer curiosity, “Prada” was not the first thing to spring to mind. Best left to the models, unless you have an absolutely divine face and fucking neat eyebrows.
4.I recently re-watched Breakfast At Tiffany’s and it gave me a new appreciation for highlighted hair. I had completely forgotten that it could evoke something other than a young mum of three from Croyden.
5.Jumble sales are losing the innocent bargain-hunting charm they once had. I recently attended one at an upmarket indie pub and everyone was quivering with terror at the prospect that someone might realise their clothes were not vintage but, in fact, high street with the labels cut out. I of course left all my labels in and someone complained about an item being from Primark. If you’re attending an event where you expect to get a garment for a few quid, no brand is too low for your attention. Also, if we're honest, ma cherie, not one of my cast-offs would have fitted you.
6.We are fast approaching the time that Vogue, Harpers et al will be telling us exactly how to “Travel light” on our nonexistent trips to Ibiza and St Tropez. My advice? Pack little but lingerie, take a strapping partner and economise on wardrobe by spending most of your time in the hotel. Your tan might suffer but I can assure you that you’ll at least have something of a glow – colour in a bottle is infinitely safer, anyway.
7.I have little or no interest in whether or not my mobile phone is by Prada, Dolce and Gabbana or The Carphone sodding Warehouse. It sends. It receives. I can speak into it. That should be enough for any woman.
8.I think Patti Smith is incredibly glamorous in her own masculine way. I once saw a photograph of her standing in a subway with a prayer cloth draped nonchalantly over her shoulders and it reminded me of the appeal that shops that smelt of sandalwood and sold cheesecloth dresses had when I was about ten.
9.Semi-sheer black tights with a reinforced toe. Suspend disbelief and reconsider that idea.
10. Prince circa "Purple Rain". Fuck it, Prince anytime. I'm not even going to say anything else about him. I don't need to. If you can't tell that this is a praise rather than a critique, there is no hope for you.
Images: I place the two Kate girls side by side to further their embarrassment; Patti Smith makes man-hair and a headband look sexy; Francoise with the coveted fringe; The purple sex dwarf.