Tuesday, 15 May 2007


In September I will be moving to Elephant and Castle; an area of London whose local shopping centre, according to the University of the Arts London brochure, is “not often thought to be good for finding much other than a short stay in hospital after a violent mugging”. It follows logically, then, that I had better set my wardrobe straight before I move (leaving appropriate space, of course, for any bomber jackets with the likeness of Tupac spray-painted on the back which I might later purchase from the local market). A selfish, navel-gazing list follows in which I decide ten things which I should get around to buying.

1. White jeans: I avoided these while they were genuinely in fashion, quickly discovering that in a tight white trouser even my meagre form becomes something worthy of shouting “thunder-thighs” at in the street. However, as a devotee of wearing only black and white I feel it’s time to take the plunge. My favoured slim leg is a no-go area – instead I am prepared to settle for straight leg or (God forbid) the mumsy bootcut.

2. New thighs: Only really necessary for the sake of #1. Must have a gap between them large enough to drive a train through.

3. A suit: ”Nico was a Northern European Goddess. She was amazingly stylish; she would wear either a black or a white pant suit. Everybody thought she was just gorgeous” – Danny Fields. Recent charges of racism notwithstanding, who doesn’t want to be Nico?

4.Studded accessories: Given that fashion has liberated the hideous nylon windbreaker and smiley face logo from the sad-sack 90s raver, I think it’s only fair to turn our attention to another marginalized group and make them unwittingly cool - goffick kids, God bless them, are more in fashion than they’ve ever been (Look at Giles’ S/S 07 collection). I’m sure if they knew they’d shout that they “didn’t ask to be born”, shortly before slamming their bedroom doors and blasting Cradle Of Filth at tooth-rattling volume, but as it stands, they don’t know fuck all. Besides, buying leather and vicious spikes from haute designers is the fashion equivalent of buying your S&M gear from Ann Summers; the cheap-and-threatening metalhead market-stall is a cheaper and more authentic option.

5. Plain cotton zip-up hoodies: Speaking of liberating garments from the oppression of stereotype, I am a recent hoodie convert, and I am all about these at the moment. Anything that offers head coverage is a major plus when you have the kind of hair that explodes out like an afro wig with the slightest hint of damp. Please note: grey, black, white and navy are the only acceptable colours.

6.Statement jewellery: I just bought a necklace from Wallis, of all places, which I can only assume is inspired by a Pucci neckpiece. Wearing it makes me feel slightly less boring for buying basic, monochrome items. See also: Huge, shoulder, nuzzling drop earrings a la Edie Sedgwick. Ironically the best place to buy these that I can name is a market stall in Elephant and Castle. Take a left at the man selling porn from the boot of his car.

7.Black jersey dresses: American Apparel is my best bet, I suppose, provided I can work my way through the assault course of lame leggings, thong leotards and – quelle horror – lycra biker shorts.

8.A long, loose black skirt: I’ve mentioned this before on here, and I think it’s a dramatic look. Ashamed to say I recently admired this look on Mary Kate Olsen. Do as I say, not as I do.

9. A pale denim jacket with a hair metal back patch: Ha! You think I'm shitting you, but you'll never know.

10. Paper-thin t-shirts: I know everyone else is so over that shit (The (yawn) Row, anyone?), but the fact is, they work. Bonus points if you have neat, 70s groupie tits and can go without a bra. Who needs jewellery when you've got nipples? Presumably this is why Kate Moss' are visible from space.

Image: Nico probably reading something horrible about black people and (allegedly) agreeing with it

Monday, 14 May 2007

Your Beauty Is A Knife

Please note that due to a technical hitch this post is not, in fact, by Lola. It is by Molly. We're still figuring this joint posting thing out, alright?

Another list!

1. Lola and Freddie are hosting a sixties night on friday, and what to wear is becoming an issue. I have the choice of two outfits or a combination of both, and the weather forecast tells me it is going to be nineteen degrees, so bear that in mind!

First choice: a black boat necked shift with black leggings, pumps and a black cropped waistcoat over it.

Second choice: black straight leg jeans, navy and white breton striped top, and black waistcoat and pumps.

Third choice: breton top with shift layered over, leggings and pumps.

Any preferences?

2. I have a picture of a girl I cut out of a magazine months ago, and I have decided she is my fashion muse for the summer. She has a really blunt fringe, which I am going to get cut back in as soon as my bank account is is positive numbers again, and she has a pet mouse. I can't even explain how much I want a pet mouse.

3. I had an argument with one of my closest friends at university over whether some zara flip flops covered in huge gems a la burberry prorsum worked or not. The crunch came over the tacky level of said gems, and I have to say I was firmly in the love rather than the hate camp. She still put me off them, though.

I am afraid coursework is leading to minimal blogging from Molly, but I shall be back with a vengance shortly!