1. People will assume that you’re having a lot of sex.For some reason, being so visually in tune with your boyfriend or girlfriend suggests that you like to get freaky with them on an un-naturally regular basis. Maybe it’s because you’re so interchangeable.
2. You are never embarrassed by what they’re wearing because you’re wearing the same fucking thing. Saves you from those argument-fuelling little incidents where he looks as if he slept in his suit, or she’s wearing some ridiculous fashion-forward item like metallic leggings or a trapeze dress that you actually think looks “completely bollocks”.
3. You can make twice the impact when you walk into a room. Imagine the gasps of delight when you and your beloved both walk into Boombox doing a matching “Apocalyptic Pierrot” look or something equally as ravishing. Imagine the streetstyle bloggers fumbling for their Nikons.
4. You have twice the trend-starting clout. Again, only really applies in the incestuous world of nightclubs. By all means use your partner to try and popularise wearing an entire computer as a pendant or something. If I’m perfectly honest I’m grasping at straws here.
1. You look like siblings. Like two children. With the same mother. A mother who dressed you alike. Remember that photo where you and your sister are wearing the same dungarees? You sick fuck.
2. You will find yourself having to agree on a theme. This could create any number of arguments, resulting in one partner sulking all night because they weren’t allowed to do “Riviera Chic” and have been bullied into channelling Mr Motivator instead.
3. Generally, there is a reason clothes are gender specific. Most women look short and dumpy in men’s clothes. In women’s clothes, most men look like prison-yard trannies.
4. You will be laughed at. Not that I’m saying a little tittering should put you off exercising your style mojo, but really, if people hate one partner’s outfit they are going to hate the other’s. Get it wrong, and it’s a double-whammy of tosser.
5. You might be mistaken for your boyfriend or girlfriend from behind. Not so embarrassing in a homosexual relationship, but in a straight one it smarts. You’d think it wouldn’t happen, but depressingly as a woman with a short, slight boyfriend who looks not unlike a young Syd Barrett I can admit that it has.
I’m using the image from Vice magazine because although it was listed as a “Do” I think, quite frankly, it sits on the fence. I admire their gutsy stab at something approaching beatnik, but when I showed a friend he remarked sagely “Anyone looks cool if they’re thin and pretty. She, however, has a wide face and an ill-fitting dress and she’s trying to match her outdated boyfriend”. Might I advise not matching your partner, then, reader, so that at least you can prevent adding insult to injury by cutting the last of those snubs off the list.